Ratzigirl opened the Papa Ratzinger Forum in early May. It was not until mid-June that she posted her personal account of how she succumbed to the Benedict effect. She did it two days after coming back from the Sunday Angelus of 6/19/05 at St. Peter’s, two months since the great event. However, I am posting my translation of the earlier events first -
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It’s late…I should go to bed because I have two hard days ahead of me…But I’m still up… on my PC, audio and video are synchronized to the Vatican webcam in St. Peter’s Square…I’m waiting to see a light go on in the Apostolic Palace… He is sleeping…I am awake…
I am beset by confused memories as well as by some which are very clear indeed… Confused memories of how some time ago, I had every chance to meet the then-Cardinal on the street [had I wanted to]… and of not having done anything about it, such was my total indifference… Memories I wish could be more clear so I could tell the person who was me then – stop him, run after him! But I really did nothing [as far as he was concerned] and continued to be indifferent until the 19th of April…
It was a strange day, rainy, with a strange sky. Then at 12 noon, the first black smoke – Like the day before, it seemed to be white at first… Maybe there’s a new Pope finally?…
I recall asking myself, what am I doing here [in St. Peter’s Square]? Don’t I have other things to do?… What’s keeping me here? …
Around 5 p.m., the sky started to clear…[A bit earlier, we saw what looked like white smoke, finally]…
So when Cardinal Estevez came out [on the balcony], celebration erupted - people waved white and yellow handkerchiefs (the papal colors), others waved their caps, others their shirts; there was jumpng, shouting, singing, banners, streamers, clapping, tears, tension… all compressed within this “tiny” shell, waiting for one person only…
When later the Cardinal said “Josephum”, many knew what it meant… I did not - it did not even occur to me… Then at the words “Sancte Romane Ecclesiae Cardinalem Ratzinger”, I remember feeling dejected… [
One must read Ratzigirl's account of an actual 'encounter' with the Cardinal in the thread "Encounters with the Future Pope" to appreciate the contex of her indifference].
It lasted all of ten minutes, because soon, the Cross appeared on that huge balcony, and behind it appeared a tiny figure who opened his arms as if to embrace everyone on the Piazza (a gesture, I would learn later, was not in his repertory as a normally shy man)…and when I saw him open his arms, I felt myself melt…and then on the giant screens, there appeared his face, those eyes, shy, apprehensive, almost disconcerted, as he faced an entire city that was hanging on every word he had to say…
For a few seconds, after he had said “Caro fratelli e sorelle…”, it was a face-off – we, the crowd, and him… And what followed was history.
He said the most simple words, and yet profound – from the iron theologian, the Panzerkardinal, God’s Rottweiler (all the names he had been called)… He even seemed to stammer a bit, which for me showed his great humanity, and which contributed finally to strip away that patina of diffidence that still clung to me…
Those eyes, those eyes which blinked, which looked around him on the crowd below… and while you watched him on the giant screens, you had the illusion that he was looking at each one individually.
I felt increasingly uneasy..and I went back home.
I went back home… No one talked of anything else but the new Pope – who he is, what he has done before, new rites, new beginnings, and then there was a special on TV…I went out again that night, still uncaring, despite what I had felt that afternoon at St. Peter’s Square.
But the following Sunday, it was different. I felt I could not miss the event. I woke up early to go to St. Peter’s Square. But the piazza was already packed, so I went to a place near my house where they had installed one of those giant screens… When HE arrived, to the chanting of “Tu illium adiuva…Benedicto Romano episcopo, successori Petri…”, his face showed everything-happiness, apprehension, shyness - a face that was sometimes thoughtful and absorbed, other times acknowledging the public that had gathered there for him.
The homily he delivered was for me the coup de grace. Particularly at the words:
”And now, in this moment, I, a weak servant of God, must take on this daunting task which truthfully is beyond any human capacity. How can I do it? How can I hope to be equal to it? All of you, my friends, have just invoked the hierarchy of saints, represented by the great names that have marked God’s history with mankind.
“And in that manner, even I have been made aware of this: that I am not alone. I do not have to carry by myself that which I could never carry by myself. The communion of God’s saints will protect me, support me and guide me. And dear friends, you will accompany me with your prayers, your forbearance, your love, your faith and your hope…”
I was looking at a man who knew that if he was going to be able to do that which he has been called on to do, it would only be through the grace of God and our prayers. I saw a humble man, such as he had called himself.
Then he spoke about the pallium:
“The first symbol (of Peter) is the Pallium, woven in pure wool, which has been placed across my shoulders. This most ancient of signs, which the Bishops of Rome had carried since the 4th century, can be considered as an image of the yoke of Christ, that the Bishop of this city, servant of the servants of God, takes on his shoulders.
“The yoke of God is God’s will which we welcome. This will is not an external weight which oppresses and takes away our liberty. To know what God wants, to know which is the right way of life- that was the joy of Israel, it was its great privilege. It is also our joy: God’s will does not alienate us, it purifies us – perhaps even in sorrowful manner – in order for us to realize ourselves. In doing God’s will. we serve not only Him, but all the world, all of history.
“The symbolism of the Pallium is also more concrete: the lamb’s wool represents the lost sheep, or the sick one, or the weak one, whom the shepherd takes up on his shoulder and leads to the waters of life.
“The parable of the lost lamb, whom the shepherd seeks in the desert, was, for the Fathers of the Church, an image of the mystery of Christ and of the Church. Humankind – all of us – is the errant lamb which has lost its way in the desert. The Son of God cannot tolerate this: He cannot abandon humankind to such a miserable condition. He leaps to action, abandons the glory of Heaven, in order to rescue the lamb and be with him all the way to the Cross.”
I felt I was that lost lamb, and thought, perhaps for the first time, that I was starting to see the reason for Ratzinger’s election, purely in an egotistic sense. But I started to believe – and I believe so now – that the Holy Spirit had inspired his choice, and that the cardinal electors, who had the choice to say yes or no, chose to say yes.
Then, when he said, addressing us all as “friends”:
“Dear friends, at this moment I can only say one thing: pray for me, that I may always learn to love the Lord more. Pray for me that I may always learn to love his flock more. You, the Holy Church, each of you individually and all of you together, pray for me, pray that I do not seek to escape out of fear in the face of wolves. Let us pray, each for the other, that our Lord sustains us and that we learn to sustain each other” - it was most beautiful… A homily from a university professor.
And then, there was his elegance, his carriage, his style, a true “signore”, a man like whom there is no other …It is 4:20 in the morning…Excuse me…I am falling asleep…
[
Ratzigirl resumes her account the next day:]
That most beautiful day of April 24, 2005 – It makes me happy to recount it… A few other details… I live in the memory of that day… Yesterday, I recounted something of the Pope’s inaugural Mass…
That morning… 8 o’clock… One could not sleep beyond that hour…The streets were already full of people making noise… I got up, looked out the window, and looked down on a river of people, literally a river of people, all flowing in one direction…
I get dressed in a hurry, I eat something and proceed to join the flow myself… At 9:30, it is now impossible to get into St. Peter’s Square… Fortunately, they have set up giant screens in many places… I find one and take my place among hundreds who are watching here…
Finally, the ceremony begins at 10:20… On the maxiscreen, we see a man who slowly approaches the tomb of Peter to bless it, him, the successor… In silence – without the horrible TV commentary which ruins all liturgy whenever it is broadcast – we are able to enjoy these beautiful images. The music that now arises is the Laudes Regiae… A tremor runs through all of us when we hear the invocant chant,
“Benedicto,
Romano Pontefici, Petri successori,
suum ministerium hodie inauguranti
sollicitudo pro universa Ecclesia!”
Beautiful!….And he, Joseph Ratzinger, he to whom the chant was addressed, now walks towards the front door of St. Peter’s… And when he appears at the doorway, the cardinals who preceded him are still rendering their homage at the altar… He stops and waits on the steps of St. Peter’s… When his turn comes, he walks surefootedly towards the altar, he kisses it, and then, looking up, he greets us, the faithful, with a liberating smile!
Even we, far from the Piazza, break into applause for this man in gold, who from that day onwards was and is the successor to Peter…
It was most touching when Cardinal Sodano gave him the Fisherman’s Ring, but even more so when the Pallio was placed around his shoulders... At that instant, he made a gesture, a simple move of the head that said far more than any words: ”I do not know how to say Thank you, I am still not up to it.” And all around me, people were saying, “Look, it’s as if he still cannot believe that he is now the Pope.”…
Emotions reached a peak during the homily, interrupted some 30 times by applause…
Most beautiful when he said: “Whoever believes in God is never alone – not in life, not in death.”
Most beautiful when he celebrated the Eucharist, with his hair blown by the wind…
Somewhat sad when, the Pope having mounted the Popemobile for the first time, we saw an image on TV of two brothers – Georg and Joseph, almost like mirror images – the older brother looking at the youngest in his family, gentle Georg who put on dark glasses to hide his emotions… Joseph greets him with a slight nod… Two brothers who had been inseparable whenever they could be together, especially after the death of their only sister in 1991… Whose fraternal relations became even closer after that, now that there were only the two of them in their old age… And in that fleeting look, caught on a maxiscreen, we all felt the torment one must feel when the brother with whom you had shared everything you could up to this moment, has been called to a higher task… When you know it will no longer be easy to be as close to him… Joseph’s look seemed to say he understood all this but that nothing had changed between them, that for Georg, he would always and only be Joseph…
[
She breaks off her narration here…I don’t know about you, but I, too, rereading this account, always find myself overwhelmed at this point by the poignancy of this personal drama which Ratzigirl seems to live in total empathy…
Weeks later, after she has moved out of Rome to live near Florence – I gather she goes to school and does theater work there – she comes back one weekend to visit her parents and goes to St. Peter’s for the Angelus on 6/19/05]:
I have just come back from the Sunday Angelus at St. Peter’s.
Today was a magnificent day – even if it started to turn a bit too warm around noon. But all that was forgotten, when the curtains of the Papal study were drawn aside and we saw the tiny white figure face us from that window…
From where I was, that was all I could see – a tiny figure in the distance. I was near the left fountain, the one farther away [from the Apostolic Palace]. I had expected to find not too many people – on such a fine day, everyone would have gone to the beach – but no, it was so crowded that it would have been impossible for me to try and make my way towards the closer fountain…
But I was soon comforted by his voice… ”Cari fratelli e sorelle” – As soon as he says that, the crowd goes wild… The enthusiasm spreads like a wave – and he extends his arms as though to bless everyone… It is highly emotional when you hear around you the voices, the cries, the (expressions of) love for this man which pervades the shell-shaped Piazza…
And then, when he leads the Angelus, quiet recollection… I note happily that when the Pope leads the Angelus (or says any other prayer aloud, for that matter), he never sounds perfunctory (as unfortunately, one often experiences) but says the words with full involvement…
He had beautiful words to say about refugees earlier, reminding us that “No one is a stranger in the house of God” (let us not forget that he, too, is a foreigner in our land)…
I cannot describe the emotions in the crowd when he started to extend the customary greetings [to the various language groups] after the prayers – it was sheer jubilation! The Piazza seemed to explode with the outcry whenever he said, “I greet the ____-speaking pilgrims here today…” Shouts of “Viva il Papa!” Mass chanting of the now-familiar “Be-ne-det-to!” Groups raising streamers, banners, posters. Individuals waving – with bare hands, handkerchiefs or caps.
I assure you it was highly emotional every time it was repeated. And through his open microphone, every time it happened, one could hear a voice murmuring gently, “Krazie…”
[Modificato da TERESA BENEDETTA 29/05/2008 07:14]