DANIELLE'S 'BITTERSWEET' AUDIENCE
Danielle Vergne, writing in this forum as pulcherbenedictus posted in the French section yesterday her account of her attendance at a general audience last March, at which she was supposed to present to the Pope a Christ portrait she had executed last year, as well as a book of drawings she did of Papa over the past year. All of the drawings may be found on her site
www.pulcherbenedictusxvi.com
and her full account in French as well as all the pictures ahe took at the audience on
www.pulcherbenedictusxvi.com/ROMAf.html
Here is a translation of her account...----------------------------------------------------------------
I traveled by myself, carrying the 100x80cm drawing [her portrait of the 'gloved Christ'] framed behind glass, rather heavy, through three train changes and 11 hours (including Mraseilles-Paris in 3 hours!) but I can tell you no one was as motivated as I was.
When you have drawn a portrait of Christ and you know that it is done right (a Paris gallery estimated it at 20,000 French francs and will expose it if I give them 10 more portraits. Now, this portrait, done in great detail with red crayon required 3 months of work, and it would take me a lifetime to produce 10 more!) – who else would you offer it to but the Holy Father? The money does not interest me, and a picture of the Holy Father blessing the picture is worth more to me than all the gold in the world.
I was lucky to be in a train with compartments so I could conveniently rest the frame in the corridor next to me, so I only had to carry it from one train to the next.
I was a bit unnerved in Rome because the taxi went over cobblestones on the way to the hotel, and I feared the glass would break despite the bubble wrap, but it was OK.
I arrived in Rome at night and saw practically nothing of the city (nor the next day because though I had expected to visit the Sistine Chapel, there were hundreds at least waiting to get in) - so I really came exclusively to be at the Vatican and see the Pope.
Gianluca B, my Italian friend (who has photos showing him meeting the Holy Father a number of times at the Vatican), knows someone in the Vatican and had obtained a special ticket for me, promising that I would be able to give my work directly to the Pope. [
She is referring to Gianluca Barile of ClubPapaBenedetto].
In effect, I was assigned a seat on the right side of the esplanade, about 6-7 meters from the Pope during the one-and-a-half-hour duration of the audience, and one meter away for a few seconds as he passed by in the Popemobile (alas, I did not know that he never walks over to the right side, that it is on the left side where one can meet him directly, give him any presents and be photographed with him – Gianluca assured me it was a mistake that I was given a seat on the right and he invited me to come back soon; the problem is I already have given everything I have done, and I must start all over…)
[To get back to the beginning] –
I arranged to meet with Gianluca at 7:00 a.m. near St. Peter’s, and I it wasn’t hard to find Porta Sant’Angelica where the Swiss Guard have their office. The streets are still virtually deserted at this time except for a rare nun or passerby. It was quite chilly, the sun had not risen, and I had arrived at 6:30 to make sure I did not miss my friend.
Having consulted the Inernet before leaving home, I had a good map of the Vatican and knew where to look for Porta Sant’Angelica. I got into a cab because the frame was too heavy to carry even if my hotel was quite near to St. Peter’s.
I went all the way down via Angelica to the Gate, where I could admire the emblazoned coat of arms of Benedict XVI. I found the newspaper kiosk that sells the
Osservatore Romano, and parked myself on the right side of the Piazza, in 3 degree weather, with and very few passersby, and some policemen and Red Cross volunteers.
And myself! I walked farther up and came up close to the Colonnade and beheld this piazza, so familiar and yet so far from me. I walked closer….
A man, under the blase but watchful eyes of the police, was screaming prayers and invocations at the top of his voice, standing there in front of the Piazza… Now I could understand why the place has to be under strict guard…
I retraced my steps and saw Gianluca at the newspaper kiosk. I recognized him right away (it is always unnerving to recognize someone one has only known through photographs on the Itnernet!!). He introduced me to his friends in the ambulance service, and found out that he had brought his mother who was in a wheelchair.
We then went towards a small group of people that had formed near us, the only one at the time, with only Italians and policemen, no tourists.
In the warm atmosphere one always finds in Italy, Gianluca was not happy to learn that I had not eaten (I had taken coffee in my room, having no need for an alarm clock as I walk up at 3:30 in the morning, in a feverish state at the thought of seeing and approaching a Pope!!!)
He then made me take my place beside one of the low gates into the Piazza – in fact I was the first one there - right against the gate. I could see farther off one of the security gates. But I didn’t remain alone long. Soon there were 5, then 15 then 50, then hundreds of other pilgrims, some with streamers or posters, some in costume, and I was listening to a Babel of languages. I saw some carrying bags and different kinds of pictures – I did know that on Wednesdays, people offered all kinds of art work to the Holy Father! But I was very proud of my own artwork and was confident!
Gianluca (it was 7:45) told me not to move from where I was, while he went to get our tickets. Pushed incessantly by the crowd, I was concerned when the minutes went by (we were told that the gates would not open till 8:30) and he had not returned!
But yes, he came back and over the heads of the crowd, handed me my blue ticket marked “Reparto speziale”; then I lost sight of him. He had to bring his mother in the wheelchair to – I found out later – the left side of the esplanade (i.e., the “good” side) among the other pilgrims in wheelchair.
Dark-uniformed policemen and other guards in superb uniforms passed on the other side of the gate as the sun rose. A cleaning vehicle was going over the Piazza…
Then the small gate opened, and we all rushed towards the metal detector where each is asked to deposit his bag on the conveyor belt. I put down the frame and my book of drawings in a bag.
Then, the shock! Here I was in the Piazza, on the right side at the farthest end. I ran along with all the rest… We walked up the incline on this piazza that I know by heart from following all the Pope’s ceremonies on KTO!
My emotion is great! The sun rose in glints of blue and gold and pink.. I am in front of the Swiss Guard, in their superb uniform, and show my ticket. The crowd pushes me to the right near the dais, up there.
I get to my place. The ushers are already there in their gray suits with their chains of office bearing the Vatican emblem! The gray chairs were empty. I was among the first 50 to arrive in place, and seeing that Gianluca was able to get me a ticket that placed within 6-8 meters of the Pope’s chair, I was pleasantly surprised, proud and happy!
The usher was very kind and courteous but firm. He seats everyone, but keeps 4-5 chairs empty right next to the front barrier – he must have friends to accommodate as well. In any case, I was right up against the barrier myself.
I look at the usher closer and I recognize him – I had noticed him during John Paul II’s funeral – he was the pallbearer out in front on the right! I find out how extremely kind he is! Later on, I learn that he works within the Papal apartment itself!
But there is no doubt that everyone has instructions to
treat all pilgrims with friendship and respect! Quite unlike the backstages in London (Wembley Stadium) or in Paris (the Olympia) where, yes, I could go direct to the loge of Alice Cooper with a ‘pass” that allowed me to see him personally, but where I could also observe the treatment given to fans who did not have such passes.
So, I took my seat and started to get to know the people around me – among them a truculent Italian woman who seemed to be a habitué of papal audiences, and later, a very nice priest, also Italian, who was very happy to be able to talk to me in French.
The crowd pressed forward, and there was some disorder near our barrier because our usher was busy elsewhere. There was an Americna woman who pretended not to understand anything and just hung on to the barrier next to us; the Italian woman was more and more upset; the atmosphere was getting electric ...
Everyone only wanted to be in the first row when the Holy Father went by!
Behind me, a French group was intoning prayers… Some Korean sisters elbowed their way through without smiling… The usher returned and warns us that when the Pope is near, everyone will simply press against the barrier (he shows how), and I take note!
Some bishops come and take their seats in front of me on red chairs. In front of them to the left, a cardinal would take a chair placed apart and would be talking to them at length – their respect and admiration for him was obvious!
I look farther down at the foot of the pavilion at a table where I saw them place my portrait, and my heart contracts to be ‘orphaned’ thus. It seems that the gift will me made without me… But I think of the Holy Father who will be coming (one does not feel the time pass) and I am happy again!
I get up and stay standing as I sweep my eyes over the Piazza dark with humanity down below. I feel very proud to be one of about 40 people who are closest to the papal chair while at least 30000 persons are out on the Piazza.
A folk group has set themselves up right below us, an orchestra has started to play for the Pope. The orange, yellow and white streamers are a feast for the eyes. I am submerged in joy! I have followed this celebration so much every Wednesday on TV, and now I am here, and in the first row.
I ask the Italian woman (who is still grumbling about the American woman who remains in front of the barrier) when the Holy Father would come. She says 10:30 – I thought it was 10!
Finally the Swiss Guard arrive in military lockstep, and four of them take their place behind the papal chair. It’s the signal, my neighbor tells me. The Italian priest is worked up because the ushers had told us that as soon as the Holy Father arrived, we must sit down and no one can remain standing, but he had no chair!
Now the music and the Popemobile, small, down there on the left emerging from a sort of corridor, with a shining white figure -Benedict XVI was approaching! 10:00 on the dot! I almost blinded my neighbor, who did not hesitate to let me know, as I cried, “Here he is, it’s him!”
My emotion was at peak! I was looking at the most famous man on earth, the guardian of our Faith, engulfed by the crowd and looking so tiny! The Popemobile slowly made its way around the Piazza, it is really going in every direction so that everyone can see him. It is funny to see him so tiny, when on TV I can see him full-screen filmed by the cameraman who precedes the Popemobile….
We await this promise of joy, we await him patiently. The vehicle takes the last turn and goes up the esplanade (rather steep towards the top) going to the papal chair. The White Spot grows larger, the raised arm making a blessing to the left and to the right.
Now I see him well! He is wearing the white overcoat because of the cold (personally I don’t much like this modern garment which engulfs him). He gets off the vehicle – we clap our hearts out!!!
He approaches his chair and now, we must take our seats. The American woman is turned away, as she does not have a chair… and we take pity on the Italian priest (a friend of the bishops in front, whose coats he is holding for them), so he shares my seat and the Italian woman’s – 3 persons seated on two chairs. I am seated on half a chair next to him, his head well down because the chief of the Swiss Guard has been looking at us! What an adventure!
The Holy Father says his greetings and opens his arms. I recognize his secretary seated near him. But all this in profile, whereas on TV I see everything in close-up.
Benedict XVI is all in white, rather graceful, but a bit stooped, and evidently smiling. He reads the text of his catechesis seated. From where he sits, and from where we are, one cannot really hear the crowd – the music and the screams sound muffled where on the broadcast they are at full volume. So the Pope does not really hear very much from this vantage. But during the presentation of the various groups present, whenever a group sings or plays something, he asks the presenter to stop so he can listen and applaud!
He always claps and smiles each time a group sings or performs apontaneously, and the smile is even broader when a German group sings for him...And oh that smile, so profound and luminous, seen from 7 meters away, really hits me with its powerful charm!
Similarly, he thanks each presentor with a nod after they finish reading the list of groups… And he raises his arm and waves to those in front, to the side, and even turns to greet those who may be behind him, to be sure to greet all the groups.
I follow his message and appreciate it a lot! It is in Itlaian but I understand everything. It enchants me to hear his voice “live” after having heard it week after week on KTO or CTV! Gentle, poised, sometimes emphasizing phrases with a force and a fervor that are incomparable and unforgettable!
He is truly the greatest believer in the world and the most convincing, a true professor, and all of us his students so docile and hypnotized with joy (at least for me, that’s how it was!)
Looking at him from the side as he is seated, I notice how his robe drapes, and that he has put the overcoat back on because of the cold… It’s not very practical when he is seated – his chair is on a platform.
Mons. Gaenswein gives him his text with great respect. At one point, we saw two security men in plainclothes appear behind him and rush down below!!! The Holy Father stops talking for a few seconds, then resumes.
We had just seen (or so I suppose since we could not stand up to see what was happening down below and what it was that so alarmed the security) a standard security reaction to a possible “aggression against the Holy Father”…
At the end of the catechesis, the bishops in front of me left their chairs and formed a line to approach the Pope so they could be ‘received’ in person (it’s at this point that the broadcasts usually end, remember?) . He talks to some of them quite at length. Since he stands on a little platform, they have to raise their heads to greet him.
The priest next to me is juggling cameras because his bishop friends have given him theirs to take their photographs at the moment they are before the Holy Fahter!
Then, the wheelchairs are brought forward before Benedict, who this time, remains seated to greet these pilgrims. The wheelchairs exit towards the rear.
Now it’s the turn of all those people who are seated on the side opposite us. The Pope gets up and with firm strides walks up to them... I wait for a moment which looks promising, when he would pass near us and I could hand him my book of portraits…But as we asked among ourselves, the word came that he would not be coming toward us on foot but only on the Popemobile…
I am chagrined...I see that my Christ portrait is being examined by priests who stop in front of it quite a bit, while I, the artist, am 11 meters away but I might as well be on the North Pole..
My sadness grows, but I still keep some hope. I talk to the Italian priest who has looked through my book of portraits and found them very beautiful, “Father, help me to give it to him,” asking him to call his friend the bishop, which he did. The bishop came to us after meeting the Pope, while the other bishops were meeting him.
The priest explained to him and so did I. He takes the book and I quickly say, “I would like to give it to him myself,” out of fear that everything would be taken away from me without even a photo taken (as others have, alas, for lesser work). The bishop goes to Mons. Gaenswein and gives him the book, explaining…He opens the book, looks, and makes a clear movement of admiration and surprise. Hde wants to know who and where I am – the bishop points me out and I signal with my hand. Just behind, about 2 meters from where the book is now, Benedict continues to greet other bishops.
“My” bishop returns to me and tells me that the secretary said the Pope was not receiving any gifts today and that I should send it in the mail!
I was in a state of shock, but OK!...I thank him and I hang on to my book, thinking I could hand it to the Pope when he was on the Popemobile soon. I never imagined I would go back to Marseilles with my offerings – I had brought them here and I would give them to him… That would happen, but(that is why it has taken me so long to come up with this account) my heart is torn at not having had a photograph as others have. And I no longer have my drawings, and I don’t know whether they are at the bottom of some drawer somewhere, but well... The problem is that it takes about 3/4 of a day for each drawing and the Christ portrait took me 3 months, so it’s not as if I can immediately put together another collection of works to offer. (Gianluca tells me I went to the wrong side, and he suggests that I return and be on the correct side this time).
Thirty seconds after the secretary sent me the message, the Holy Father walked towards the left section and started to greet the people directly opposite us. And they gave him their presents and he received them!...We watched and I heard someone say, “If the jeep comes forward now, it means he’s not going to our side on foot.”
The Pope advances slowly, we see his back, he gets to the end of the row where he is hidden from my view by the Swiss Guard and by those around him… And it is at that point, Gianluca tells me later, that the Pope blessed my Christ portrait (a photograph which I have requested in vain by mail from
Osservatore Romano, but since they did not have the (picture?) number, they did not answer, so I must look for it myself when I return to Rome).
Now we see that the jeep is coming forward, and a murmur of disappointment ripples across our section. He gets into the vehicle and it passes by us – I can tell you that he is quite elevated in that vehicle, and if others manage to touch his hand at that distance, I could not, alas!
Moreover, when he was directly ahead of me – I was so impressed that I do not remember seeing his face, I am drawing a blank ! (Exactly as it happened the first time I had a chance to meet Alcie Cooper at the Olympia).
The Pope takes a baby next to me in his arms, kisses him, and then off he goes, the jeep heads down toward the Piazza. It is over…
Everyone starts to leave. A man behind me tells me in English how he admired my book of drawings and tells me he understands how I feel as he has had the same problem.
Gianluca, I beg of you, please make sure that the next time I am on the left side! He never goes to the right on foot (it is unbelievable that there should be a difference, and sad!). But I have verified it since, in all the Vatican photos before and after this audience.
Now I called one of the plainclothes security and asked if he could put my book next to the Christ portrait on the table so the Pope could have them together! (No, I was not going to send it by mail!) He said Yes, and I saw him place it on the table (I felt reassured, but this was rather poor consolation at the time)…
The Italian priest came back to say goodbye and to wish me a good sequel. He was very kind. …
In the afternoon, I went to
Osservatore Romano to look for the photos but I didn’t find what I expected, and I didn’t learn till later that there is one showing Benedict blessing my drawing… so I look forward to getting this photograph when I return to Rome.