Hard to believe, but Ratzigirl was far from ready for Ratzi when she had the chance!
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I have scant memories – Unfortunately, as many of you already know, my agnostic phase coincided with the years of Ratzi’s maximum splendor, maximum visibility and maximum accessibility.
I have one single memory that is etched in my mind, if only because it is a memory that keeps me awake, and every time it comes to mind, I would gladly beat my head against the wall, and I would much rather forget it ever happened.
I think it was 1996, I had just turned 17, and it was a Friday afternoon (I remember because we had come to St. Peter’s to do nothing!). We left our motorbikes parked at one end of via della Conciliazione and we proceeded to the Piazza on foot, towards the fountains. The sun was starting to set, it may have been around 6:30 p.m. At that time, I had not been to Church in a long time, I did not know any Church figures except the Pope and Ratzinger,in fact, as my mother had met him several times on the street. Sometimes, we would see him on TV, and my mother would say how she admired his calmness, whereas my father would say he could not stand him. And I was completely indifferent.
That afternoon, I was seated on the steps of the fountain, with my legs stretched in front of me, I was smoking a cigarette while we waited for someone (I don’t remember who now). Then for some reason, I don’t know how or why, I turned to look in the direction of the colonnade, when about 5-6 meters away, I saw a figure all dressed in black, with a black beret, approaching at a sustained pace.
I recognized him by face and I told my friend, “Oh, look, that’s Ratzinger!” Then I added, “But what a nasty type!.."
At the very least, I hope he did not hear me, though I think not, because when I said it, he was no longer near us…
But oh, how I regret those words now! I wish I had never said them! They were thouightless words said by a stupid girl just for the sake of saying something…But to have been that close to him and yet to have kept away from him – it makes me feel sick now! …I can only hope that one day I can make up for that mistake!
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Paparatzifan writes:
What a bad nightmare! I can understand why you feel terrible. But I think that even if it is not the same thing, you have already made up for that mistake, you have more than made up for it by creating this forum. Of course, you will want to tell him face to face that you love him - because I think that is what you need to do to cancel that terrible memory altogether.
But it should also console you that the love that we all have for Ratzi, not just us but so many others everywhere, more than makes up for all the unkind words that he has ever received before and may continue to receive.
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Before today, I had already been planning to translate some of the accounts found in the main forum about how each one "discovered" Ratzi or been initially struck by the Benedict effect, and Ratzigirl's account was one of the most moving! So I'll be posting the translations in the "Experience of April 19" thread as soon as I can turn them out!